HERE AND NOW.

Well the other week started out simple enough; Saturday the 23rd Feb we took our friends Dave and Sue with their twin girls to see the Nutcracker Suite Matinee. I so recommend, if you get the chance to see this adaptation by Matthew Bourne, that you do. It is my second time of seeing this electric performance and once again it left me buzzing.
I kept glancing at my friends and their girls faces as they watched the show, they were mesmerised the whole way through.

On the Sunday at 2.0. pm we had arranged to meet my mum with her brother, my uncle Alan, and his grandson at the ‘Young Vanish’. This is a pub that serves up a cracking Sunday dinner,
I had just finished getting ready and at 12.45pm the phone rang, it was my younger sister. “I don’t want to worry you, but Uncle Alan came to pick mum up and she collapsed and couldn’t talk to him. He called me to come down; I think she’s had a stroke so I’ve called 999 for an ambulance.”

Math and I got to the hospital before the ambulance. When they bought mum through I can’t describe how terrified I was. She was trying to talk to me, but it was mumbled and so unclear as to what she was trying to say. I could see that it was aggravating her that she couldn’t speak, so I held her hand and told her not to worry; they would soon sort her out. She looked so pale and her usual sparkling blue eyes had a misty glaze about them.

In my head I kept repeating ” please God please, let her be alright”. I promised I would do so many things, if he made everything ok again!

I wasn’t ready to lose my mum, will I ever be? Mothering Sunday looming, plans made, how can this be happening, it just seemed so unfair. The unbelievable thoughts running and flashing in my mind were so bizarre, self-control was gone, blowing in the wind somewhere…

I can’t describe the nightmare of the hours and days that followed. It was that feeling of being helpless to change the things happening around you.

I remember myself and my three sisters sobbing and hugging each other in the hospital corridors, our partners standing in the background, wondering what they could do to ease our pain...

Two of my sisters are nurses, and the youngest works in the I.C.U at the same hospital mum was in, so we were lucky that she could keep us updated with the procedures being carried out. Basically we had to hope and pray that the bleed or infarct would stop, and then assess the damage that it had left.

Frustrated that more couldn’t be done, whilst I was sitting at the side of my mothers bed, I felt despair, watching the staff laughing and scoffing chocolates, I wanted to shout 'this is my mum, help her!'

Mum had had an infarct (clot) on the left side of her brain and this has affected her right side. The brain damage from this is unrepairable, but tests are being done to try and stop it re-occurring. Today she is having a carotid-doppler (a scan to see if there is plaque there), and then the consultant will decide if surgery is possible to remove it.

The bed shortage is so bad in the hospital, that she is then going home, and IHSS (intensive home support) will be brought in to nurse her there.
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Math, myself and my elder sister have spent several days at her home whilst she as been in hospital, getting it ready for her return. I think this has been a shock to us all, discovering how hard it has been for mum to manage things within the home.

Like peeling the layers from an onion, we have seen how difficult household tasks have become for her. Mum has never said anything to any of us. She would make you a drink when you visited her, never asking for any help, never moaning, and on the surface everything appeared ok.

I know my mum is a very proud lady, and you would never catch her without a bit of slap on her face and her hair done, but how I wish I had looked beyond the facard.

Mum was getting forgetful, and would repeat herself several times in a conversation. Yet she was still doing her shopping and nipping in to town once a week. She also made arrangements for her holiday on the 15th March (which sadly will have to be canceled).

So obviously this has come as a big shock to us all, the four of us have had a 'sisters conference' and arranged at how to best care for mum.

At the moment I’m not able to drive her around or do much of the housework, but I do have plenty of spare time on my hands, so I will be spending time with mum.

Thank you all for your warm wishes and support, I have told her about your wonderful comments and she said “Arrh isn’t that nice, please thank them for me”. So please accept my mums thanks, as well as my own.

As I said, I am going to be spending a great deal of my time at my mums, so she isn’t on her own. There is no internet at mums cottage, so I will only be able to post when I come home, so please forgive me if my visits to your site are sporadic. I will keep you up to date with her progress.

A huge big hug to you all, and thanks again for your support. X