BETTER TO HAVE LOVE AND LOST....
I've been posting about my friends (the sisterhood) recently, and I spoke briefly about how one such friend has had her whole life turned inside out. I'm not sure if any of you have ever been in a similar situation as I found myself in recently, and I would be interested to know if such a situation happened to you how you would respond, or if you have what did you do. So again with their permission I'll try and explain the events leading up to my friend’s heartbreak.
The couple I will call Dave and Sue. I met Dave many years ago, he was my manager in the place I was nursing. Highly qualified in many fields of psychiatry, and still approachable by all members of staff. He found out that my previous occupation had been a hairdresser, and asked if I would do his barnett. He continued to visit me for his haircuts, even after I left nursing and started hairdressing in my spare time, whilst training to teach. Before long I was doing the whole families hair. His wife became pregnant with twins in her 40s, and from a few months old they too were added to my list... The years past by and we all became good friends, Math and I enjoyed many an evening in the company of Dave and Sue, and shared our families ups and downs.
Dave is holding down two jobs and Sue until recently worked nights part time as a psychiatric nurse. Juggling their busy work schedule and bringing up the kids left them very little together time, but they appeared a happy solid unit. They always made time for others, their dedication to their jobs and friends showed this.
A couple of years ago, one of Dave’s female work colleges told him about the difficulties she was having at home, which consisted of mental and physical abuse from her husband. There were some horrendous stories and she said he (her husband), was even trying to turn her children against her. Dave being Dave took her under his wing. Sue invited her into their home, fed her, even gave her a bed some nights when she said that things had been unbearable at home. She joined in family celebrations; they even offered to take her on holiday with them. They spoke to me about her plight, I advised them not to become too embroiled in her situation. They didn't take too kindly to me saying this, nor the fact that I mentioned they had never see any proof of the accusations she had made. I knew her husband very vaguely, but not well enough to give an opinion, although he seemed dedicated to his children.
She eventually left her husband and children (visiting them on some of her days off, when she wasn't away doing this or that course), to live with her father. Speaking purely for me, there is no way I would leave my children, especially with a man she claimed to be violent.
There’s not a fire hot enough or a river too deep that would have kept me from my son. This one action, stirred my suspicions about the woman’s honesty and intentions. I won't go into too much detail here, only to say a mobile (cell) phone was involved, apparently this is quite common.
Sue found out that Dave had been having an affair with the said woman. Sue was devastated to put it mildly. Now I know Dave won't be the first or the last person to have an affair, but may the actions that followed be a warning to anyone out there who thinks something is missing from their marriage. In fact a lot of people who wonder what is missing from their marriage, discover after a period of time and serious reflection that it was actually them that was missing, something I did put to Dave.
Dave tried to end the affair, he ceased working with the woman and wouldn't accept any calls from her, which were numerous and constant. She went on to then phoning and texting Sue with veiled threats, telling Sue she needed to know what they had done in Sues home, when she wasn't there. Making sure that Sue knew they were actually sleeping together on a course they both attended whilst Sue had been in hospital having checks for breast cancer. The woman had saved every text and e-mail her and Dave had shared (strange behavior for a woman to claim to be so in love and frightened of her husbands jealous actions, should he doubt her promiscuity), to send to Sue.
It didn't end there, Dave didn't speak about the affair to anyone at work, not so this delightful lady. (I use the word lady, because I am, and the word I would like to use would dispel this fact). She made contact with all his peers, exaggerating the affair, telling them that they were buying a house together and the mess this had left her in financial difficulty, even claims of a pregnancy .
Then a list of gifts she said she had given him appeared, it grew and grew. Silver and glass became platinum and precious stones. She demanded them back. Dave had shown Sue the garbage, (that had now become priceless possessions), that the woman had bought him. He was up front and honest about the whole sordid affair. I think Sue did with them what most women in her position would have done; she trashed them and did an Irish jig on the copied cds.
Oh how I could go on, but it becomes unbelievable the damage and mayhem she wanted to cause. Why hurt Sue, who was at the end of the day the only innocent victim in all of this. I tried to rationalise some of her actions, to Sue and Dave.
1. She couldn't have Dave, he had made that clear to her. Several times he had tried to end the affair, but then another crisis would appear in her life, and being the soft idiot he is he fell for it. (Knight in shining armour and all that bull). So if she couldn't have him she, was going to try her hardest to make sure Sue didn't want him.
2. The pregnancy innuendos, like I said to Sue, she spouts off about how close they were, sharing everything. Whoops! Never mentioned the 'vasectomy' then.
3. Now the house, Sue knew this was a lie, she had been part of her buying the house. For a long time her and Sue had many conversations and phone calls along with text messages, all about the independence it would bring and also how it would be a ‘safe house’ for her and the children. They had worked out together how with all her savings and money from her husband, she would be even better off financially.
The only problem is I can't understand nor give reason to the rest, she just wouldn't stop. Poems dedicated to Dave, having of course to rhyme about their sexual performances, photos of places they had been together with work. Making accusations that there had been other women, beside herself. Like a vulture she endlessly picked away at poor Sues battered carcass. Then she beckoned the clueless to batter Dave with bricks and stones, whilst he tried to shield this broken shell/wife, that despite his foolish ways, he loved.
Sorry about that indulgence, but if I were to paint a picture about my friends ordeal, this would be on the canvas. Sue has felt confused and humiliated by this double betrayal, to try and get things into some sort of sense and order she even offered to put things straight with the woman. Alas you need the true facts to achieve this, something the woman lacked. She had told so many lies, to so many, it wouldn't be a conversation she could have held with Sue.
Just remember guys, when the twinkle in that woman’s eye tempts you to stray, your text and e-mails could be being stored, the calls recorded, your home and possibly your career could seriously be damaged.
Some people would say not to get involved in others affairs, and to a point I would agree, but when you have two friends who are very dear to you, I couldn't walk away. If ever they need to talk I will always be here or wherever they want me to be. A blogging friend of mine, Debs at 'let me go on and on', has also been posting about relationships. She is a Christian and gave some good kind advise, to let go of anger and lots of other valuable words.
Unfortunately, for the time being, it’s not that easy. The woman Dave had the affair with, would proclaim she was a Christian when the role seemed fitting, or for the attention. (I remember the night she called them both to say she was in the graveyard, sad and lonely (weird) and they went out of their way to get her over to stay and have a meal, so they knew she was safe.
How can she call herself a Christian, when she deliberately and venomously went out of her way to harm someone and their family, surly it should have been about love and kindness? So sorry to say, my forgiving is on hold at the moment.
Sure Dave isn't blameless in this, but he and his knock-off were two consenting adults. She should have licked her wounds and crawled back under the stone she came from, without hurting so many people, young and old, at least Dave did try................
How do we forgive
Once the serpents tongues of our mouths,
Have struck and caused wounds'
Too deep for our naked eyes to see?
How do we forget,
When those words have buried themselves,
Deep within our hearts?
How do we trust,
That the past has been cleansed,
And that the present keeps no record of wrongs,
For us to strike out and wound each other once again?
With Hope,We must take that step towards forgiveness.
By cleansing our hearts, and forgetting our record of wrongs,
And guarding our words.
And a Healing of Our hearts.....
