INTERVAL...
Vladimr Kush I was weighing up the best way to spend the next few days before going into Queens for my operation.
I have countless jobs here at home that I want to sort out, these really need to be done. Let me explain why..... the reason is on my return from hospital everything will be shipshape and where I want it to be.
It all makes sense to me (or am I suffering from OCD), if everything is at above waist level and in an order were I can reach things, I won't be constantly having to call Math to help me out. (The thought of some of the stuff he will have to do for me is driving me crazy). Reality is, I don't have enough cupboard space at waist level and above to store everything. Also I would need Math to help me move the things up in the first place, which defeats the whole object of the exercise, don't you think???????
Then I thought, if Math gets some time off work we should be out having time together, even go to the holiday home which has been empty for most of the summer, rather than cleaning shelves......
These last few days I have felt jittery and have a kind of nervousness inside, like I'm running around and nothings getting done, and I'm late for whatever /wherever I should be, then this panic sets in.
It's hard to describe in words how I'm feeling, this is the only way I can try to explain it!!!!!
In fact, to tell you the truth, I'm having many a sleepless nights with this panic running chaos in my head and my heart.....
So its obvious really ....isn't it..... what I should I do I mean??????
If Math gets leave we need to spend the time together.
I've been told I'm going to be a while recovering, so whats that saying- "make hay while the sun shines"- something like that.........
I mean, lets be more positive about all of this, there is a very good chance that I will be saying good-bye to these,
and having something like this. 'Olympics 2012'- look-out!!!!!!!!!!!
Then on Monday evening I had what you might say is a wake up call.
It was about quarter past ten, Math and I had been watching TV, we were both pretty knackered, I had had a bad night on Sunday and had been up since five Monday morning. Math suggested he made a Horlicks (see we really know have to live it up), and we watched the film in bed.... I was a nano second in agreeing and went to wash my face and carry out my night time ablutions. As I was leaving the lounge Math stretched his arms out and yawned, and then grabbed his chest.
I think I need to explain at this point Math has had asthma since being a teenager, but this has never caused him any problems, and he controls it with inhalers. He's always been incredibly active, played rugby, cycled, run marathons, Black belt in TaeKwonDo, among many other physical activities. Lets not forget he walks the dog two lengthy walks a day as well as all the fetching and caring he does for me.
Well, I continued into the bathroom and turned on the hot water tap, and I glanced Math returning from the bedroom with his inhaler in his hand. It must have only been a few seconds and I heard a thud on the floor, I came out of the bathroom and my worst nightmare began...
Math was on the floor his his lips were blue, he tried in vain to talk to me. I got to the phone and made a three 999s call, the woman stayed with me on the phone the whole of the time we waited for the ambulance. Which I think when we got to the hospital they told me it took them 12 minutes for them to arrive, it seemed a lifetime. The woman on the phone asked me to tell her what was happening to Math as we waited, telling some stranger that your husband was blue from the nose downwards and that his chest was has hard as rock and he wasn't breathing, calmly without becoming hysterical is no easy task.
If it wasn't for how tragic it all was, it could have looked like some staged comedy of errors. Trying to move the dogs into another room with my walking aids to stop them jumping on Math was one challenge (remember I'm having to keep relaying everything to the woman on the phone). Getting on the floor to start CPS is one thing, later trying to get up to let the paramedics in another!!!!!!!
At this point I have to say, the Ambulance and Paramedic staff are the most incredible people in the world and should be paid their weight in GOLD.
My mind was starting explode with panic, and I thought I was about to sit and hold my husband on the floor whilst he died in my arms.........
The team of paramedics who stormed into my home like Knights in Armour was first a beautiful tanned woman followed by a man about 15yrs older. Within half an hour they had given Math oxygen and two full doses of salbutamol in a nebuliser, an injection in his arm, and we were both in the ambulance on our way to Accident & Emergency. The female paramedic stayed with us for at least an hour and a half whilst Math was handed over to the hospital staff. During this period I knew Math was feeling better as his quick wit & humour returned, him and the FP (how I wish I had got her name) were joking. Math was taking the pea out of himself, remember we were both in our P/Js, which is the norm for me but Math is usually always sleeps in the buff, and the fact that he had dragged his P/J's out of the cobwebs was a miracle. Yet thank heaven he had that night, the cause of the laughter was that earlier that day whilst shopping, I had brought Math and myself each a pair of of non-slip socks (which he was wearing). Math in his P/J's and little non-slip socks isn't the sort of attire that fits his male ego and said he would have hated to leave this mortal planet dressed like that.
At first I found it hard to laugh, but when Maths parents arrived looking as white as ghosts, the FP told them that once she had told Queenie to take her foot off Maths throat she new he would come round. I had started to come around from the shock, but I also suddenly thought about Maths maternal Nana, who had died suddenly after having a chronic asthma attack, having never been ill in her life. So Maths mum obviously wasn't sure what to expect when she arrived at the hospital, so I thought to join in a bit of laughter would lighten the seriousness of what could have happened.....
Math still had a rattle in his lungs and his oxygen levels weren't back to normal, but he wanted to come home, they allowed him providing he saw the asthma nurse. Which he did today, she is arranging for him to have tests to check his lungs.
On Tuesday we were both knackered not getting back home and in bed till five. Math looked positively drained but no amount of persuasion would stop him from going to see the final Thriller at the Theatre that night.
At the interval Math took me outside the theatre, he rummaged in his overcoat pocket and took out a box of chocolates, a miniature bottle of champagne and two plastic glasses.
I looked at him in amazement and said whats this for? " To thank you for last night". Honestly, I could have thumped him after everything he has to do for me, apart from the fact that I felt utterly useless that night, all the years of nursing forgotten, my disability making everything so difficult to do.......
So its indisputable what choice I've made isn't it???
Can't even think why I was debating it really!!!!!!!
I should be snogging Math like a love sick teenager, to make up for all the kisses and cuddles I'll miss whilst in hospital.........
Making plans for the future, and organising the first place we will visit when I'm fully recovered............
Spend a little time dreaming, holding hands, not needing to talk, just being at peace with one another.....
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So my blogging buddies, until I come home from the hospital, (although Math has said he will do a post to let any of you who would like to know how its all going), I will be away having a few days with my husband.
Not sure where or exactly what we will be up-to...... I mean there are some things you just don't share aren't there????
All you need to know is we will be having time out together......
I do hope you don't think me cheeky for asking, but would you please send me some of that powerful energy you sent my mum, cos I know it works miracles...............
If in my absence you should forget who or what I was like, read the script below (its so flattering), it will all come back to you.......
So my very very dear friends, I will miss our little chats, the 55s, the laughs you have given me each day this past two & half years, whilst I've been stuck at home for the majority of the time.I appreciate all your visits/comments, and I swear you have saved my sanity on more than one occasion. I thank-you more than you will ever know. (Now no sticking your fingers down your throat, I mean it).
I will think about each and everyone of you, wondering what you are up to, or cooking for dinner, whilst I lay (on a hard plastic covered bed), eating tasteless sawdust they call food, bored out of my tiny mind.
Hopefully I will soon be back home to carry on my rambling, so take care, be goodish, more important be incredibly healthy...........
QUEENIE XXXXXXXXXXXX
On Thursday it was The Aluminum Show at the Concert Hall. We had no idea what this was about, and standing in the foyer, looking at the varied age groups (lots of children), I wondered if Math had taken leave of his senses when he booked this show. Bless him he wanted us to see as many shows as possible before, well you know, when. I said to him "have you booked a children's show"? "Well if I have we can leave in the interval" he said, not accepting any responsibility....
